I once knew a girl. Her name I won’t reveal. Not that it matters.

NAMES ARE EASY TO FORGET WHEN YOU GOT A LOT OF LOVE.

We met because of our bad habits. I wanted to die. She wanted to get high. I wanted to get high too. But first I wanted to die. I tried hard to get rid of this body.

In the clinic ruled by desire we suffered together. 
Driven by instinct we wanted what we couldn’t have.

WE PICKED SPLINTERS OUT OF EACH OTHERS HEARTS WHILE WE SPOKE. WE HAD SUCH A HOPE THAT EVERYTHING BROKEN WOULD HEAL. 

Humble. 

The silence that was about to come was weighted. 
We managed to laugh. We managed to accept that life is full of impossibilities. Possible.
Our tremor held us together. Bodies shivering in choir. Our dreadful eyes for pain.
We met in the hallway. We scattered shadows together. We lied to each other.
We will get through this.

I have one single photograph of us together. We are standing in kneehigh water. We smile. You don’t recognize that we are drowning. It is summer.

She got excused before me and left the clinic. She became a stranger on the street. I knew they were wrong in letting her go. I was jealous.
 
One morning she knocked on my window. I didn’t hear it. Doped. 
I was doped in safeness.
They heard her but didn’t let her in. They told me everything.
Next days passed. They were many and I was small. 

She didn’t come back. I wasn’t worried. It’s another life out there.
I flicked our memories on my tongue. Sweet. 

‘SHE IS DEAD’

She did it. She did what I was supposed to do. She left me. She left us.

‘SHE GOT TOO HIGH’

She got too high. On the matress. Numb. 

Please do never knock on my window. Do not knock if you don’t mean it.

‘JEANETT ? DO YOU FEEL THE WATER AROUND OUR FEET ? COLD BUT WARM.’